KHR: Backstage
by Tsunayoshi Uni Sawada
Summary: In which KHR is a reality show and the actors plus some fanfiction writers are all backstage. Crack-ishness, OCs and randomness. Rated T for safety and possible swearing in future chapters. ON HIATUS
1. The Remote to Hibari's Theme Music

Chapter 1 – The Remote to Hibari's Theme Music

**Summary: In which the remote to Hibari's theme music gets stolen.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: I've decided to start yet another fic that (I hope) will make people laugh. This fic contains (I guess?) crack-ishness, OCs, randomness and other stuffs. This chapter is based on the YGOTAS video "Deleted Scenes Montage". I got inspired by it and then a whole new flood of ideas came in for this fic. So, enjoy!**

I sighed and stretched. It had been a looooong day updating my various fics.

Tsuna trotted up. "Been updating, Lillian-san?" (I'm called Lillian in this fic.)

"A-yep." I closed my laptop with a _click_.

"Are you still writing random nonsense about me and my fellow actors?" Tsuna asked warily.

"A-yep again." I looked at Tsuna's amused/pouting expression. "What? It's fun to make up random shizz about you guys." I grinned.

Confused, huh? Let me explain.

You see, KHR isn't really an anime. It's a reality show. Tsuna, Gokudera, Yamamoto and all the rest are actors in it. At the moment, since the new series "Hitman Reborn X Generation" wasn't out yet, they were all taking a break.

In addition to the actors, there were the fanfiction writers. I was one of them.

Fanfiction writers were allowed to hang around the cast as they themselves were artists, of a sort. They could be counted on (well, sometimes) not to maul the nearest actor they saw.

At least they weren't rabid.

Anyway, as a result of the mingling of the FF writers and actors, the actors were painfully aware of the various fics written about them.

Tsuna particularly disliked my most popular fic since it involved me making random illogical facts (read: lies*) about him and the others.

Like I care. I've got 49 reviews up to date.

Anyhow, today was a bit of a slow day. Nothing much was happening. Even Reborn appeared to be slacking off his usual Reborn-ness.

That is, until a FF writer, (insert your name here if you are a FF writer and want to insert your name) suddenly burst in, waving a remote.

I was so startled, I dropped my laptop. Luckily I had saved all my fics into my thumb drive, otherwise I'd have cried.

"(insert name)! What're you doing?" I gasped, willing myself not to have a heart-attack.

"I found the remote to Hibari's theme music!" (insert name) shouted.

Cue epic gasp.

And that was when Hibari walked in.

Which would've been anti-climatic, had he not been giving off a murderous aura so intense it made several FF writers nearby faint on the spot. (Not out of fangirl-obligation. Jeebus. :/)

"Hieeeee! Hibari-san!" Tsuna squeaked, sounding like a mouse on steroids.

"Oh my gawd (insert name)! Return the freaking remote to Hibari before he bites you to death!" I howled, nearly pissing in my pants.

"Aw, but I want to see what it does first!" and without warning, (insert name) pressed the "change music" button. Immediately, instead of the usual emo/sadistic music that played whenever Hibari appeared, there now played:

_Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all!_

_Gotta catch 'em all~!_

And Hibird, who had been perching on Hibari's shoulder, suddenly turned into a pikachu.

This made Hibari looks like some sort of demented Ash Ketchum.

How's that for an epic cross-over?

"Too pokemon." (insert name) said, and before we could stop (insert name), the music changed again. This time it was:

_Can't read my, can't read my,_

_No you can't read my pokerface~_

Which was a lie, since Hibari's face was all too clear to read.

Hibari flipped out his tonfas and took a charge towards (insert name), when (insert name) exclaimed "Too Lady Gaga" and pressed the button yet again. A Death Note opening started playing, and then a death note appeared in Hibari's hands. A feral grin crossed his face. He was about to open it and write someone's (read: Mukuro) name when (insert name) said "Too Kira-ish!"

"No wait I like this one…!" Hibari yelled but (insert name) had changed the music yet again.

A Hawaiian hula song started playing. (insert name) exclaimed happily "Heyyy… that's perfect – OW!"

Hibari had broken (insert name)'s kneecaps with his tonfas. When he was done, he looked around for more victims, but Tsuna and I had run off.

So in the end, the prefect vented the rest of his skylark-rage on the FF writers who were down and out on the floor.

**A/N: Soooo… how did you like it? Do tell me if you want me to continue writing random stupid shizz like this. Please?**

**Reviewwwwww! Click the review button below!**


	2. Mukuro's Wearing A Bra, Wait What?

Chapter 2 – Mukuro's Wearing A Bra… Wait What?

**Summary: In which Mukuro gets moobs and a bra.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: ****Lazuly****, O_O here's your chapter, so please don't haunt me, and please don't get Reborn to haunt me either! ****Torataro****, sure you can appear in my fic. I'll put you in the next chapter. Just send me details on how you want to act and whatever. **

I slipped a coin into the snack machine and pressed the button. A packet of Oreo cookies dropped into the slot at the bottom.

I took it out triumphantly, relieved that the packet didn't get stuck (Don't you hate it when that happens?) and tore it open. The aroma attracted Lambo, who had been wandering around.

"Ne ne, Lillian, gibe Lambo-san a cookie, please?" he begged.

"No way. Mine!" I replied, stuffing a cookie into my mouth. "Mine all mine!"

"Awww. Just one, please?" He continued, desperately trying to act cute.

"Ahhh fine." I grumbled, and tossed him the last cookie. He ran off.

"Kufufufu… snacking again. Lillian-chan?" Avoice came out of a shroud of mist that had suddenly appeared.

"Mukuro." I said sharply. "Stop torturing your special-effects man and get your pineapple ass out here."

"Kufufufu… what special-effects man?" He said innocently, stepping out of the mist.

"The one who's standing behind you with a smoke-machine. Duh." Then I twitched. There seemed to be something different about him. What was it?

"Alright. Take five, Honda." Mukuro dismissed the man with a wave of his hand. As he moved, his upper torso jiggled slightly. I gaped.

That was it.

Mukuro had grown boobs.

B-cups, from the look of them.

"M-M-M-M-Mukuro," I stammered. "H-Have you like, grown m-m-_moobs_ or something?"

"Moobs?" He raised an eyebrow. Then he looked down on himself, "Ah. I see you've noticed my new bra. How do I look?" He twirled around, and his chest jiggled all the more.

Oh my poor virgin eyes. Now virgin no more.

I yelped and made a break for it. It was too much to handle. I spotted Cozart and Enma talking in a corner, and I dove behind Cozart.

"What the – Lillian?" What're you doing?" Cozart asked, trying to turn around to face me, but I kept moving with him, so we turned like both ends of a horse.

"Save me from the pineapple!" I yelled, trying to keep my eyes to Cozart's back. Enma looked extremely confused. In the meanwhile, Mukuro was strolling up leisurely, hands in his pocket.

Cozart and Enma had spotted and Mukuro's new look by now. Enma turned pale and fainted and Cozart stumbled back, sending me toppling over.

"M-M-Mukuro," Cozart spluttered. "C-Could you please why you're… uh, like _that_."

"Well, it seems like the Japanese have developed this new bra for men, in hopes more modernised and less sexist. I decided to give the bra a go."

I was praying I could just faint away like Enma. All of a sudden, a loud trumpeting sound blared outt and a large pink horde of something could be seen on the horizon.

"What is that?"I asked, momentarily forgetting Mukuro and his man-bra.

The answer soon got clear. A whole bunch of pink winged elephants were charging towards us! (Courtesy of Reborn, as I learned later.)

In the blink of an eye, a large pink elephants stampeded over us and squashed us flat. We all got KO'd and were sent to the hospital an hour later.

As for Mukuro's bra, it got trampled so badly they resembled nothing more than two shreds of cloth held together by a wire.

Mukuro's, ahem, moobs on the other hand, were squashed flat by the elephant's stampede and basically deflated.

Thank god for my eyes.

**A/N:** **…I have no idea what I was doing when I wrote this chapter. I just banged it out last night before sleep. Anyway, the part about Japan developing a bra for men, I got it from my Geography teacher, she bought it up during the last lesson, because apparently Japanese men are kind of emotionless and heartless, so Japan developed a new bra to make them more feminine and emotional. LOL. My class laughed so hard. **

**Reviews anyone?**


	3. Prologue Desu!

Chapter 3 – Prologue Desu!

**Summary: In which we have a sort of imaginary drumroll chapter for the next chapter.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: This is gonna be a pretty short chapter that's gonna lead up to the next chapter, 'cuz I was too lazy to write out the second part. Gomen, ****Torataro**** and ****TheNeoProductions****! I promise you guys'll appear in the next chapter. Promise!**

I was tucking into a bowl of instant noodles in the canteen when Kyoko and Haru trotted up.

"Yo, Kyoko, Haru." I greeted them cheerfully. I was in a pretty good mood that today. All my on-going fics were doing well. The other two were on hiatus.

"Hi, Lillian-chan!" They said simultaneously.

"How you guys been?" I asked.

"Well, we've been busy with the upcoming fashion show." Kyoko piped up, smiling as brightly as ever.

"What fashion show?" I said, astonished.

"Hahi! Haven't you read the noticeboard?" Haru exclaimed.

"Eh… nope?" I replied sheepishly. I'd been so busy updating my fics.

"Well, you should know! There was a notice on the board a week ago saying there will be a fashion show tomorrow! We saw the notice, so we decided to participate!" said Haru.

"What's it about?" I asked.

"Well, first you form a group, pick a model from one of the members and then design an outfit for the model to wear!" said Kyoko.

"Oh… then who is your model?" I was rather amused.

"Oh! It's Mukuro-san!"

I choked on my noodles.

"SAY WHAT?"

**A/N: Hahaha… cliffhanger desu! Sort of. So… look forward to the next chappie! I'll leave you guessing as to who is Mukuro's opponent in the fashion show XD. And since Haru is part of his team, you can imagine what kind of outfit is gonna result out… :3.**

**Reviews please!**


	4. Crackastic Fashions

Chapter 4 – Crackastic Fashions

**Summary: In which we're treated to all manners of outfits.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: 4****th**** chapter is finally here desu~ And yeah ****Torataro****, you were right, Byakuran's Mukuro's opponent XD. Daemon Spade's one of the designers for Byakuran's outfit. And to answer your question, the 2 fics on hiatus are "The End of KHR" and "Amore, amore". I know, you reviewed the second one but I really just can't seem to update that one T_T. Gomenosai! I'll try updating tomorrow. I know I have no excuse, and your half-finished chapter is still sitting in my thumbdrive. T_T. Oh, and I used that word "Cracktastic" of yours in your review for my chapter title. I hope you don't mind. It was a really good word, I loved it XD. (all copyrights belong to you :3) ****TheNeoProductions****, your review says that you're actually a set of… twins? And that you're a boy and a girl? (I checked your profile. So, which one of you guys is reading? NeoGio or NeoRika? O:) So I used that in my fic. Gomen if I'm mistaken or something. **

I picked my way carefully through the auditorium " 'Scuse me, 'scuse me, thank you." I said, before finding my seat and plonking myself in it. I turned to see Torataro seated beside me.

"Hey Torataro." I greeted her.

"Hi." She mumbled before turning away and muttering herself "An axe, a sword, a jar of blood, mix it all up…"

"Whaaaa?" I said.

Torataro ignored me and continued mumbling "Add a pinch of salt and rub it with a pound of human flesh, grind some knucklebones into it and teeth…"

I was about to call for security when someone beside me said "Hi, Lillian."

I spun around. "Oh. Hey NeoGio. Where's NeoRika?"

"Oh, she'll be coming soon." NeoGio said airily.

"Hm, so you guys are judging too?" I asked.

"Yup." NeoGio and Torataro chorused together.

I bet there's a lot of question marks floating around your head right now.

You see, a couple of days back I received an email telling me that I was a judge for the fashion show. I thought it was a hoax but then another email dropped into my inbox saying "THIS IS NOT A HOAX, LILLIAN."

I was like "wtf?" and then a third email arrived, saying "Courtesy of Reborn."

I spent the rest of the with an imprint of my hand on my face, the result of a very painful self-inflicted facepalm.

So now here I was, sitting between Torataro and the Neo twins, as NeoRika had just arrived.

The lights dimmed. The MC walked on stage. I prepared to program my therapist into my phone's speed-dial.

The MC (Reborn. Surprise, surprise.) announced loudly: "Let the fashion show begin!"

The audience cheered.

"First up, we have Team 1, comprising of Kyoko, Haru, Chrome, I-pin, Bianchi and Nana! And their model is… (drumroll, please!) Rokudo Mukuro!"

I programmed my speed-dial. And then Mukuro walked on stage.

He was wearing some sort of Marilyn Monroe dress.

My mouth fell open. I wasn't sure how to grade this. NeoGio and NeoRika were swapping number placards frantically, unsure to give a 6, 7 or 0. Torataro was clutching a wrench, and looking threateningly at Mukuro's kneecaps.

And then the air-conditioner merrily decided to give an extra-powerful gust (I cursed it afterwards. That AC was evil, I tell you!) and Mukuro's skirt flew up, giving the world a full view of his… knickers. (Read: pineapple-patterned boxers.)

Half the audience fainted. The other half started rioting.

And then Mukuro collapsed. (I learnt later that Mukuro's intestine had, in a desperate bid to save humanity, leapt up his neck and throttled his brain.)

I immediately raised a "10". Torataro waved her wrench (we later counted it as "1") and the Neo twins raised a "0".

Reborn stepped up again with "EVIL" written all over his face. "Team 1 gets 11 points out of 30. Let's give them a round of applause!"

Cue cricket chirping.

"Next up, is Team 2, comprising of Daemon, Lampo, Lambo, Skull and Mammon! And their model is… Byakuran!"

_Oh, shit_ was the single unanimous thought of the audience and the judges.

Torataro had produced a hammer this time, and she was knocking it on the table ominously. I reached out and tried to wrestle it out of her hands when Byakuran stepped out.

…What the heck was he wearing? I stopped trying to grab the hammer from Torataro in astonishment. Byakuran looked like he was wearing some kind of large white beanbag with… fox ears?

NeoRika tapped her reed mike and said "Ahem… Byakuran, please explain your costume."

Byakuran cheerfully replied "I'm a Kitsune-marshmallow!"

Silence.

"Ahem… you may go now, Byakuran." NeoGio came to NeoRika's rescue.

Reborn walked back onto the stage. "Well now, judges, those were the 2 teams that entered the fashion show. So, please cast your points for Byakuran."

I wearily raised a "6". Torataro waved her hammer (That's counted as 2. Don't ask me why. I'm just randomly making this up.) and the Neo twins waved a "5".

"Well, that means Mukuro gets 11 points, and Byakuran gets 13 points." Reborn announced.

A shout was heard from behind the curtain. "Kufufufu… shouldn't I be the winner?" Mukuro had magically appeared beside Reborn.

"Well, ask the judges." Reborn smirked evilly in our direction. _Uh oh_ we thought.

Mukuro was about to plunge towards us when Byakuran came charging out of the curtains. "Mukuro! Don't steal my fame and glory!" he squealed.

"Kufufufu… what fame and glory?" Mukuro asked innocently, twirling his spear that had (yes, magically) appeared in his hand.

"No, Mukuro! The winner shall be me!" Byakuran shrilled, diving towards Mukuro.

And that was when Reborn threw a banana peel at Byakuran's feet, causing Byakuran to slip and fall off the stage. Unfortunately, he dragged Mukuro down with him.

_Oh, shit_ the audience and the judges thought the second time as they dived for cover from the incoming giant Kitsune-marshmallow and Pineapple-Marilyn Monroe.

**A/N: Well, that was remarkably stupid. As usual. Crackcrackcrack. Crackity crack crack. Lol, ****Torataro****, I made you out to be some sort of demented axe-murderer. XD. Gomen!**

**Reviews anyone? Tell me if you appreciate my crack. :3. I write **_**refined**_** crack, after all. :D.**


	5. Tsuna Does A Dumbo

Chapter 5 – Tsuna Does A Dumbo

**Summary: In which Tsuna attempts an epic Dumbo and flies on elephant ears.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: UGH. DON'T EVEN ****TRY**** WRITING CRACK WHILE RECOVERING FROM A WRITER'S BLOCK DUE TO AN EXAM HIATUS. THE RESULT IS… UGH. UGH. UGH. BAH! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.**

**DON'T EVEN BOTHER READING THIS.**

"Don't try and stop me!" Tsuna said dramatically. "I'm going to do this or die trying!" He flapped his ears and steadied himself on the high-rise platform.

You must be freaked. Let me explain.

You see, earlier on, Reborn had leapt onto the table I had been sitting at (scattering dishes everywhere) and announced "Tsuna is going to commit suicide!"

Everyone panicked, and we all rushes to find Tsuna – only to spot him on top of a high-rise platform, and strangely enough, he had grown… elephant ears.

Cue sweat-drop and jaw-drop.

"Tsuna!" I had yelled. "What are you doing up there?"

"Whaaaa-? What does Sawada think he's doing?" Kurokawa Hana muttered.

"Sugoi! Is this another great Japanese tradition? I must congratulate Sawada-dono for attempting such a heroic feat!" Basil exclaimed.

"Kyaaa-! Go for it, Tsu-chan!" several fangirls squealed.

"I'm going to attempt to do a Dumbo and fly through the air on my epic elephant wings!" Tsuna howled, crouching and preparing to take off.

"Tsuna! What's gotten into you? Have you like, taken drugs or something? Cocaine? Kitkat? Ice? Crack?" I shouted, desperately looking for a ladder. (Get it? Tsuna taking crack in a crack fic? It's a joke! Laugh!)

"I'm going to do this or die!" so saying, he crouched down one final time and sprang into the air, elephant ears spread out.

"TSUNA, NOOOOOO" we all screamed until we realized Tsuna wasn't falling, he was flying!

"I'm doing it!" Tsuna cried. "I'm really doing it!"

BANG!

Reborn had shot Tsuna down with a rocket-powered plunger, and Tsuna was falling down, down, down… We ran about with a trampolint in our hands, trying to catch Tsuna, but it was too late.

Tsuna had smashed face-first into a bucket full of elephant dung.

Dropping the trampoline, we rushed toward Tsuna, gasping in shock as we pulled Tsuna out.

"There's only one way to do this." I said dramatically. I pulled out a chainsaw with a flourish. "We must cut off Tsuna's elephant ears."

The rest nodded solemnly.

"What! Wait! No!" Tsuna shrieked, but we held him down. I revved up the chainsaw and began chopping off his ears, bit by bit, blood flying everywhere and splattering us with gobs of gore…

**A/N: I hate myself.**

…**Reviews please?**


	6. Personality Switch

Chapter 6 – Personality Switch

**Summary: In which we stop and think about what would it be like if the KHR characters weren't like what they were on the show itself. Slight-AU.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: I originally intended this chapter to be the one where I epically pluck Daemon's eyebrows while interrogating him (Product of my intense dislike for that damn watermelon, and the latest chapters have only increased my dislike) but then I got hit with this idea and I was shocked that I hadn't thought of it earlier when I dreamed up this fic. I'm ashamed, really. This idea was inspired when I read some One Piece manga (Warning: POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT). You know the part where Sanji is forced to cross-dress, right before the New World arc? And he has to act like an innocent young lady – the complete opposite of himself? So I thought, what would happen if KHR characters acted the opposite of themselves? Then – bingo! Oh, btw, TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY! (Just in case ya don't know. I'm announcing it in all my updates.) Ah yes, my responses to reviewers. Ok, let's see... Princess Arcs di Cielo, you can appear in the next fic. You can help me torture Daemon. :). We'll have lots of random fun! Torataro, your idea sounds interesting, but please errr... elaborate more. I don't quite understand.**

**Ok, I'll stop rambling now.**

I twisted my legs around the piano stool. Today had been a tiresome sort of day for me. I was looking around for something to cheer me up when Gokudera bounced up cheerfully.

"Hiiiiiiii, Lillian~!" He sang out, dancing around me, flowers flying everywhere.

"Hi, Gokudera." I said automatically, his shoujo-ness doing nothing to change my mood.

"How was your day~?" He continued prancing about.

"Boring. Dead boring." I said, in a voice that sounded as bored as I was.

"Aw, that's too bad~! Maybe I can do something to cheer you up~!" Gokudera continued in a sing-song voice.

"Sure, sure…" I mumbled.

"Yo, Lillian." A cool, suave voice rang out behind me. I turned to see Tsuna eyeing the scene lazily.

"Hi, Tsuna." I sighed.

"Mou… I told you, it's _Tsunayoshi_." He chided.

"Ok, ok, _Tsunayoshi_." I stressed on the last word.

"That's better. What's up with you anyways?" He plopped down on the ground.

"I'm just bored." I sighed.

"That's why I'm trying to cheer her up~!" Gokudera sang out, twirling around in a tutu.

"What's up, guys…?" A gloomy, emo voice said. It was Yamamoto. He slouched, and looked depressed.

"Hi, Yamamoto…" I said, in a voice to match his.

"Hi…" He said, scratching a stick in the dirt to show how emo he was.

Just then, Hibari danced by. "Hi, Herbivores~!" He squealed, acting even more shoujo than Gokudera.

Gokudera, not to be outdone in girliness, started flinging flowers everywhere. Hibari joined in, flinging chocolates and teddy bears in the bargain, and just then Reborn popped by.

"Oops!" he said, slipping up and banging on his head.

"Hi, Dame-Reborn." We said in unison.

"H-Hi…" he stammered, rubbing his sore head. "O-Ow… does anyone have plasters…?"

"I have one~!" Both Gokudera and Hibari sang, dancing over to Reborn to slap on several pink polka-dotted plasters on his head, and sprinkling flower petals for good measure.

"Ahahahaha! It looks like you guys are having fun!" Mukuro strode forward with a simple, goofy grin on his face. (What happened to 'kufufufu'?)

"Indeed we are." Tsuna leaned back, exuding pure testosterones from his smile alone.

Somewhere, several fangirls fainted.

"Hahahaha! Can I join in too?" Mukuro asked cheerfully.

"Of course you can~!" Hibari and Gokudera sang, and ran over to throw a teddy bear at him.

And just then, the poor author of this fic decided to type "Insert Explosion", causing this particular Alternate Universe to blow up and be gone forever, because this chapter was giving the author a bad headache.

**A/N: I'm serious. It was extremely painful and taxing to write this chapter. Oh my head. I think I need to go lie down. Djkzlfbdzilfhu. Lol.**

**Reviews, lol?**


	7. Who Stole A Cookie From The Cookie Jar?

Chapter 7 – Who Stole A Cookie From The Cookie Jar? (or; The Beginning of The AU Arc)

**Summary: In which we find out just WHO stole a cookie from the cookie jar and then we torture the guy by plucking his eyebrows. And also, in which the AU-KHR characters are revived and they have invaded our universe.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: Errrrr! My Internet connection keeps going on and off! Oh well. I'll get my dad to fix the problem. Heheh, this chapter is more or less dedicated to my intense dislike of the watermelon pedo that is Daemon Spade. And also to my pet peeve of whenever someone steals the last snack that I was saving for myself. (Don't you guys hate it when that happens? Incidentally, I'm venting off my rage because my bro stole my chocolate éclair. :/) Oh well. Enjoy the chapter!**

"WHO STOLE A COOKIE FROM THE COOKIE JAR?" I epically howled at the general vicinity.

"Not me!" Tsuna squeaked, instantly cowering when I turned my furious gaze on him.

"That was the last cookie!" I yelled, banging my fist on the kitchen counter. "It was supposed to be MY cookie! I even wrote my name on it!"

"Ohohoho." Reborn, dressed in a Sherlock Holmes outfit suddenly popped out. "Then allow me, Sherlock Reborn, to investigate this mystery."

"Good." I growled. "I have a lot of sharp pointy weapons that I need testing on."

_~Several moments later~_

"Here is the culprit, Lillian." Reborn announced. "Daemon Spade."

"You!" I shrieked/growled. "You bastard! How DARE you eat my cookie! Didn't you see my name on it?"

"Nufufufufu…" Daemon laughed his signature watermelon-pedo laugh. "Do I look like I care?"

_True, that._ I thought. But I continued with my scolding. "You should at least say sorry! And buy some more cookies!"

"Nufufufufu… No way…" Daemon continued chuckling. "You can go buy your own cookies if you want, I don't really care."

"Then you leave me with no choice." I said dramatically. "Reborn! Summon Jenny and Enma!"

"As you wish, My Lady."

_~Another several moments later~_

"Talk!" I waved a pretzel at Daemon. "Tell me exactly what happened when you ate my cookie!"

"I'll tell you nothing." Daemon leaned away from the pretzel.

"Enma! Jenny! Tighten those ropes!" I exclaimed, flailing my arms wildly to create a more dramatic effect in the shadows produced by the dim lighting.

"NYUUURRGHHHH." Daemon screeched as the ropes that bound him contracted, leaving only 0.000001 percent of oxygen left in his lungs.

"Not so tight! He still needs to talk!" I shook the pretzel, sprinkling salt crystals everywhere.

The ropes were loosened.

"Now talk." I said, mounting my foot on the edge of the chair that Daemon sat on, to affect a gung-ho pose. "TELL ME WHAT YOU DID TO MY COOKIE."

"I'm not confessing." Daemon sniffed haughtily and turned his head away.

"Then you leave me with no choice." I straightened up and put my foot on the floor. "Enma! Jenny! Execute Plan S.H.A.P.E!"

"SHAPE?" They chorused together, unsure if that was the word they heard of if I was joking.

"S.H.A.P.E stands for Shave Hair And Pluck Eyebrows, sillies! Now go! Prepare the shaver and the tweezers! Oh, and get some make-up too. We really need to cover up that ugly face of Daemon's." I turned to grin at my victim. "Oh, and get my chainsaw. Get my signature torture device- I mean weapon."

"Yes, ma'am!" They said simultaneously.

_~Yet another several moments later~ _**(I'm getting tired of this)**

"I'll give you one last chance." I said. "Either you 'fess up, or you'll be forced to… WATCH SESAME STREET RERUNS!"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Daemon screamed, thrashing in his chair. "Have mercy, O great Lillian-sama!"

"Then talk! Or else…" I brandished the shaver and tweezers at him threateningly. Beside me, Enma and Jenny were simultaneously holding the chainsaw.

"Never! And-…" Daemon was cut off as a magical portal had suddenly opened up behind me.

"We're baaaaaaack~!" Hibari sang out, followed by Gokudera, and they were both dressed to kill. Literally. Frills and lace and ruffles and pink ribbons… I nearly went into cardiac arrest then and there.

**(Remember them from the last chapter, my dear readers?)**

"You!" I exclaimed. "I thought the Author killed you off in the last chapter!"

"Wellll… I guess we survived, ne~?" Hibari and Gokudera caught hands and began dancing around in circles. They began singing "_Ring a round the roses, a pocket full of posies, a-tishoo, a-tishoo, we all fall down!_" and then they flopped on the ground giggling and squealing, and their skirts flew up, exposing… Oh dear God. It couldn't be panties.

It was. Oh God. My eyes. They had already received eye-rape from Mukuro's moobs (remember?) and now they were experiencing further torture.

"Hello, Lillian." AU-Tsuna, looking as suave as ever, climbed out of the portal nimbly. Coolness fairly exuded from him and he was looking around for someone to flirt with. "Oh~? And here's Enma too~ Hey Enma." Tsuna loped over gracefully to said red-head and Jenny. He placed his fingers under Jenny's chin. "Who's this~?"

"That's Jenny. A recent addition to our ranks." I said sharply, cautioning myself for possible rape-fest.

"Mou~ you sound like some sort of military commander. But ne, Lillian, it wasn't very fun of the Author to blow us up like that~ Especially when you were visiting our universe too~ But since our universe has been blown up, I guess we're moving in with you guys~ Come on out, everyone!" He called behind his shoulder.

A whole assortment of AU-KHR characters suddenly appeared, tumbling out of the portal, straightening up and greeting me, Enma and Jenny. Jenny looked like she was suffering from a hang-over, Enma looked like he was going to have the mother of all cardiac arrests and Daemon just sat there looking, for once, completely freaked out by the situation.

Enma finally hit the cardiac arrest when his AU-version appeared.

"Yo, bro." an AU-Enma appeared and slung an arm around Tsuna's shoulders. "What's up?"

"We are!" Tsuna said with a grin directed in my direction. I paled. This was not good. Because AU-Enma had a teensy blurb with his personality, and that was-

"Lillian~" Enma cooed, walking over to me. "How are you, pretty one?"

_Oh, fuck._

"Erm, hello?" Daemon suddenly called out, having been ignored all this while. "Whatever happened to my dramatic monologue over the cookie?"

**A/N: Oh, what am I thinking? I just suddenly thought of reviving my insane AU characters from the previous chapters and I just suddenly realized – this could spawn off to become a sort of an arc. The AU Arc! This could get really exciting! Which means we'll need more OCs! Send in your requests peeps! You could have your OC interact either with this universe's KHR character or the AU's version. It's your choice. (But erm, leave off Enma will you? I've got lots of stuff prepared for him between him and my OC, so I'd appreciate it if you guys left him off.) Oh, and I guess I better explain some stuff. You see, in the previous chapter I made it out like my OC could travel to Alternate Universes so that was why you saw my OC interacting with those insane AU peeps. Then my OC returned back to the original universe and continued with life and then all of a sudden the AU peeps popped up in OUR world. Insane, eh? It's just the sort of time-travelling/dimension-travelling thing that drives me nuts. I love this sort of thing. **

**Reviews~ Come support the new AU Arc!**


	8. Pocket Money

Chapter 8 – Pocket Money

**Summary: In which Daemon begs Giotto for pocket money, and AU-Tsuna and I try and stop Giotto from giving money to him.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK -! AFTER A MONTHS-LONG HIATUS! WILL BE UPDATING ALL MY OTHER ON-GOING STORIES.**

"Please! Oh mighty Giotto-sama! Grant me the usage of cash so that I may use it to purchase more hair gel for my hair!" Daemon pleaded.

"No."

"Please! Or else my hair will be reduced to a… a… a NORMAL hairstyle!"

"No."

"I believe I speak for everybody when I ask _what__'__s __going __on_." AU-Tsuna folded his arms and crossed his boots loudly.

"Today is weekly pocket money time." G answered from his place in the queue in front of Giotto. "And Giotto gives us our pocket money to spend. Depending on his mood, we either get some money or none at all."

Asari solemnly took his hat off.

I facepalmed myself.

"Please! I'll even give you cookies!"

"No."

"Clam-shaped cookies?"

"Well…" Giotto wavered at the mention of clams.

"Beaten by cookies." AU-Tsuna rolled his eyes. "How droll*."

"Quit being so British, Tsuna… I mean. AU-Tsuna." I said impressively. "We've got to stop Giotto from getting bribed by clam-shaped cookies. If we can stop him from giving Daemon pocket money, we can actually photograph Daemon in a NORMAL hairstyle… this blackmail opportunity is too hard to resist."

"I get you." AU-Tsuna winked at me. "I've been looking for something interesting to upload on my Facebook anyway."

"Don't be so mean!" Daemon wailed. "My watermelon hair is as precious to me as my life!"

"You have Facebook?" I said, completely ignoring Daemon.

"Yup. My name on Facebook is '_~like a FUCK-TASTIC SEXY boss~_'."

"Eh." I grunted.

"Helloooooooooooo? Pay attention to me!" Daemon flailed his arms.

"AU-Tsuna and I swung our heads back to him. Then we stared intensely at Giotto.

"Um, yes?" Giotto looked at us.

"We can make you a better offer than Daemon's clam-shaped cookies." I said.

"They'll probably be filled with bits of watermelon and pineapple anyway." AU-Tsuna whispered loudly. "And it'll taste super-gross."

"Hey!" Daemon exclaimed.

"We'll provide free cleaning services for your cape." I said in a stage-whisper.

"And we'll throw in some hair-gel for YOUR hair." AU-Tsuna said.

"Wait, we will?"

"Uh…"

"This is all nonsense!" Daemon shouted, slapping his rather shapely thighs for emphasis. "Primo! I swear I can do all that they promised and more, if you'll just give me my pocket money!"

"Well…" Giotto hesitated. His cash-filled hand was slowly moving towards Daemon.

By this time, G and the others were watching us solemnly.

Sensing danger, I immediately pulled out my phone and hit the speed-dial. "Hello!" I jiggled the phone furiously. "Hello hello hello! Leo! Leo, are you there? Good! Bring me my laptop… yes, bring me my laptop! Yes, yes I'll pay you. Now hurry!"

10 minutes later, a guy nonchalantly strolled up with my laptop hend in his hands at a dangerous position.. I squawked. "Leo! Don't do that! Hand over my laptop!"

"Twenty bucks, please." Leo said lazily. "Pay up."

I growled. "That's way too expensive!"

"Pay up, or your laptop gets it." He shifted the laptop and made to throw it.

"AHHHH!" I shrieked. "Okay, okay! I'll pay! I'll pay!" I dug in my wallet and flung the money at him. "Now give me my laptop."

"Plus interest." Leo said. "You woke me from my nap."

"INTEREST!" I screamed at him. "Oh, whatever!" I threw some coins at him.

"Good girl." His eyes winked and he tossed my laptop at me. I barely caught it.

"Why go through all that trouble, Lillian?" AU-Tsuna looked at me curiously.

"Because I've got some Giotto blackmail in here," I panted. "We can use this to blackmail Giotto."

"What blackmail? AU-Tsuna asked.

"Wait…" I booted up my laptop and then opened a file. "Giotto! Come here." I motioned at him.

Giotto stepped closer warily. "AHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed, throwing his hands up in terror. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY PIIIIIKKKKAAAAACHUUUUUUUUUUUU."

"Pikachu?" AU-Tsuna raised an eyebrow.

"I hacked into Giotto's Pokemon game data and made it so that every time his pikachu is summoned to battle, it gets its head chopped off and turns into a zombie." I said proudly.

"You can do that?"

"Apparently." I folded my arms and stared at Giotto. "Now, unless you want your pikachu to turn into a zombie forever I suggest you listen to me. Do NOT give Daemon money. Do NOT let him buy hair gel. Do NOT-…"

BRIZZZZZZZZ!

"No! MY HAIR!"

"OMG!"

"What just happened?"

"Daemon's hair got raped!"

"What?"

"My beautiful hair!" Daemon sobbed. "-"

"Amazing. How long do you think he can do that?"

"Leo!" I gasped.

"Hi there." Leo grinned, holding a shaver in his hands. "I thought I'd do you a favor by shaving off Daemon's hair."

Right where the spikes used to be on said pedo's head, there now was a shiny bald patch the size of my palm.

"Leo. Dude." AU-Tsuna said. "Cooooooool."

"Thank you."

"So do we like, take pictures and stuff?" I asked.

"Of course you do." Leo said, gazing at Daemon who was scratching a stick on the ground to show how emo he was. "But first, there's a matter of my payment…"

*Droll: A British term, used to describe something interesting or fascinating.

**A/N: ****So ****there ****you ****have ****it****… ****Chappie 8****.****I****'****m ****using ****Otaku97****'****s ****OC ****Leo.****(Rofl, ****I ****made ****him ****out ****to ****be ****some ****kind ****of ****sadistic ****money-loving ****devil-may-care s****ort ****of ****dude. ****Interesting.)****And ****no, ****Tsuna****'****s ****not ****OOC ****in ****this ****chapter. ****I****'****m ****using ****AU-Tsuna. ****(Read ****the ****previous ****chapter s****to ****understand ****this ****statement.)**

**And I just realized something: since when does Giotto play pokemon?**

**Reviews please!**


	9. Hiatus Message

Hey guys.

I'm sorry, but after entering my third year of secondary school (middle school to some of you) suddenly the schedule is tightened up. I have afternoon classes everyday and I still have homework and other school-related crap. Add that to some other things...

This means that I'll be going on an author-hiatus for quite a while. I have no idea when I'll start uploading stories again (even if I do, it'll probably be a short one-shot or a drabble.) and yes, this means I'll be inactive until further notice.

Sincerest apologies to all my dear reviewers out there who have supported me so faithfully. An especially big sorry to those who have sent me requests. I won't be able to fulfill them for the time being. Sorry, guys. ):

Hope to be able to start writing again. You are welcome to troll me if you wish. I fully realise that I kind of deserve it. (Hope my FF author friend Bunnygoesbang can also use the comp soon. She's extremely upset over the sudden computer constraint. Everytime I mention 'computer' to her she gives me a look...)

-Tsunayoshi Uni Sawada (TUS)


	10. Masquerade FTW!

Chapter 10 – Masquerade FTW! (or; That Guy In The Yellow Cape)

**Summary: In which Giotto, G and Asari dress up as pokemon and we all watch an insane play.**

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered… Also, Vocaloid does not belong to me! If it did, I would have turned myself into a Vocaloid so I could hang out with the Kagamines and the rest…**

**A/N: Um… hello? **

***dodges rotten fruit and bricks and stones and stuff***

**Ok, Ok, I'm sorry! I'm sorry I just kept uploading oneshots and not updating the rest of my on-going fics! But I swear to you, the updates are in progress. Really! Honest! Believe me please!**

**Thanks to Nightrel for letting me use her OC, Lena Stites. I'm still accepting OC requests guys~ Send in your OC requests guys! Send 'em in! Send 'em in!**

**Kudos to those who can spot the oh-so-obvious Vocaloid references. **

I tripped over the hem of my dress for what must be the gazillionth time and landed in the dirt. My mask fell off.

"Dammit," I muttered as I got up. "Why does my dress have to be so long?"

"Lillian-chan!" AU-Hibari squealed and rushed over, his pink and violet dress swishing madly. "are you all right? Did you get any boo-boos? Shall I bite them better?" (Note: this is AU-Hibari's version of "I'll bite you to death.")

"Nooo need." I said slowly, backing off quickly. I slapped my mask back into my face and ran away. If I had stayed, AU-Hibari would have put me in bed and tucked me in and read me a bedtime story and god knows what else.

So, time to explain what's going on.

You see, KHR has just reached its 7th anniversary, remember?

So in order to celebrate, the studio threw a masquerade party.

Masquerade party. Pffft. Think girls in huge ballroom gowns covered in lace/ribbons/frills/things that make you go "BLEAAAAHHH" and guys in funny-looking coats and stockings covered in frills/ribbons/lace/things that make you go "GAAAAAAAAY". Both sexes were wearing masks.

Understand now?

Good. On with the story.

So here I was, navigating my way through the crowd, searching for a glimpse of reddish-brown hair that had blonde highlights in it (interesting color-combination, no?).

"Lenaaaaaaa." I grumbled. "Where ARE you?" Dammit, don't leave me alone!"

I finally spotted the girl in question. She was standing in-between Tsuna and AU-Tsuna. AU-Tsuna appeared to be arguing with his other self.

"…Look, there's nothing wrong with me offering her this glass of wine, is there?" AU-Tsuna was saying.

"The point is that you shouldn't even have that with you, much less offer it to Lena-san!" Tsuna hissed.

"We are perfectly happy to accept that glass of wine, Tsuna-kun." Lena reached for the glass.

AU-Tsuna smirked in victory, and suddenly the whole area was filled with a blast of sexiness.

"Oh, hell no." I muttered. I slapped AU-Tsuna's hand and glared at him. "Excuse me, _Your Hotness, _but you are a minor and you're not supposed to have wine on you."

"Stop being such a square, Lillian." AU-Tsuna pouted. "A little alcohol never hurt anybody."

"Anyway, there's no time for this. We've got to go! The performance is about to start!" I grabbed Lena and Tsuna's hands and kicked AU-Tsuna. "Move it!"

On the stage in front of the ballroom, the lights dimmed.

"Ladies and gentlemen," a voice (Reborn's) boomed out. "Welcome to the highlight of the party – the performances!" The audience cheered. "So put your hands together for… 'Giotto and Pals'!"

…wait, what?

A giant Pikachu shuffled onto stage holding a microphone. Behind him, there was a giant Margikarp and Jigglypuff.

Then the giant Pikachu turned around and…

OH MY GOD THAT WAS GIOTTO IN A PIKACHU COSTUME.

Ewwww.

And was that… oh lord.

G in a Margikarp costume and Asari in a Jigglypuff costume.

What cruel, sick, twisted person came up with this?

Then Giotto began to sing.

"_Fruit salad! Yummy yummy! Fruit salad! Yummy yummy!"_ He sand energetically, while G and Asari began shaking their butts in rhythm to the song.

At that point, I fainted. Meanwhile, the show continued. Giotto continued singing enthusiastically. _"Delicious fruit salad is the best!"_

"_Yummy! Yummy!" _G and Asari chorused behind him.

Tsuna giggled nervously.

AU-Tsuna rolled his eyes.

Lena's eyes turned a dangerous blackish-purple color as she stared at the stage.

"_FRUIT SALAD FTW~!" _Giotto screamed before running off the stage. G and Asari followed.

Reborn's voice boomed out again. Next up, we have a play put up by Tsuna, AU-Tsuna, AU-Hibari, Dino, and others! Please put your hands together for this play titled "Story of Evil!"

The crowd applauded nervously.

"Now, bow before me!" AU-Tsuna, who had magically appeared on the stage shouted. He was wearing a yellow cape, and was the king of the Yellow Kingdom.

"Yes, my queen." Tsuna squeaked, kneeling before AU-Tsuna. He was wearing a yellow scarf, and was the servant to the evil Yellow King.

"It's 'my king', you lowly servant!" AU-Tsuna took out a carrot and bonked Tsuna on the head.

"Yes, King." Tsuna squeaked.

"Now, go prepare my tea! I want carrots and carrot juice!" AU-Tsuna aimed a flying kick at Tsuna's ass and sent him flying off the stage.

The audience sweatdropped.

The stage dimmed and then lit up again. The scene had changed to show forest scenery with AU-Hibari in a green dress. He was humming happily and throwing Hibird and Roll plushies all over the stage.

"Hey. Heyyyy" Dino charged up, waving a white hat, He tripped over a Hibird plushie and landed face first onto the ground.

AU-Hibari squealed and threw a calculator at Dino.

"Kyaaa! What're you doing?" AU-Hibari shrieked, gathering up his skirts and climbing up a styrofoam tree.

"I wanted to pass you this giant chocolate chip cookie!" Dino shouted, magically producing the cookie out of his white hat.

"Oh, arigato gosaimasu!" AU-Hibari jumped off the Styrofoam tree and grabbed the cookie before shoving it up his skirt.

"By the way, have you heard of the evil king of the Yellow Kingdom?" Dino whispered.

"Oh! You mean King Ts-…" AU-Hibari replied.

"Shhh!" You must never say his name out loud! His name is cursed! If you say it you'll grow carrots all over your body!"

"Then what do we call him?"

"We call him… That Guy In The Yellow Cape." Dino said in a low voice.

"Dun dun dunnnn!" Dramatic music played.

"That Guy In The Yellow Cape?" AU-Hibari repeated in shock.

"Dun dun dunnnn!" The music played again.

"Does that music play everytime we say that?"

Dino nodded.

On the stage, the scene changed again.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" AU-Tsuna laughed, riding through one of the towns of the Yellow Kingdom on his giant Carrotmobile. (note: this is the carrot version of the Batmobile) with Tsuna shivering behind him.

AU-Tsuna suddenly pulled out a huge bazooka and started shooting carrots at the townspeople.

"Aaaaaaaaah!" They screamed, dodging the flying carrots.

Tsuna squeaked. "K-king… don't you think you're going too far?"

"Silence, lowly servant!" AU-Tsuna snapped. "I'll randomly shoot carrots for no reason at all if I want to!"

"B-But, King…" Tsuna squeaked even higher.

"NO. MY FROG COLLECTION." Fran appeared suddenly.

"Hahahahaha!" Looks like I destroyed his frog collection!" AU-Tsuna laughed loudly and cruelly. Fran said in The Most Bored Voice In The Universe.

"We are very sorry!" Tsuna apologized to Fran.

"Boohoo. My frog collection. Sob sob. I shall get my revenge." Fran took off his red shoes and threw them at the Carrotmobile.

"How dare you injure my precious Carrotmobile!" AU-Tsuna shouted, before throwing a carrot grenade at Fran.

**BOOM!** The grenade hit Fran and blasted Fran's clothes off, leaving only his red underwear and socks on his body.

"Hahahahaha!" AU-Tsuna laughed, driving off. "All your carrots are belong to us!" He shouted randomly.

Scene-change again.

"HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY CRAYONS!" A random person wearing a green coat screamed.

"STEALING CRAYONS IS A CRIME BEYOND CRIMES! YOU SHALL NOW BE BOOTED OUT OF GREENTOWN!" A randomly old man with a green handkerchief pointed dramatically at AU-Hibari.

"I only wanted to see what the crayons tasted like!" AU-Hibari wailed, clutching at the skirts of his green dress.

"And what did they taste like?" Dino, who had been standing behind asked.

"Awful. Like wax, except even worse." AU-Hibari rolled his eyes.

"HOW DARE YOU! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY CRAYONS ARE TOP-QUALITY!" Green-coat shouted.

"THAT DOES IT!" Green-handkerchief thundered. "YOU BOTH SHALL BE BOOTED OUT OF GREENTOWN FOR YOUR CRIMES!" He pulled out a green whistle and blew.

Immediately, all the people of Greentown took out their (green-colored) boots and threw them at AU-Hibari and Dino. They screamed and ran away.

After running several kilometers, they stopped, panting.

"So we've been booted out of Greentown, our home for the whole of our lives. Now what?" Dino fanned himself with his white hat.

"Um…" AU-Hibari took out the giant chocolate chip cookie from beneath his green dress and chewed on it in thought.

"Oh! I know!" Dino waved his white hat enthusiastically.

"What, what?" AU-Hibari demanded.

"We can become bar-top dancers!" Dino slapped his leg.

"What a fantastic idea!" AU-Hibari squealed.

"Let's get started right now!" Dino shouted, pulling on AU-Hibari's arm and dragging him towards the nearest convenient nightclub.

Scene-change.

"Kufufufufu~" Mukuro laughed, adjusting his blue crown. He fought his way out of the crowd of fangirls, stabbing them with his spear.

"Now, now, ladies… I'm busy right now, I don't have time to entertain you." So saying, Mukuro leapt onto a giant turtle and shouted: "Forward!"

With said pineapple using it like a horse, the giant turtle slowly moved forward.

The turtle slowly walked, with Mukuro riding ont op of it, until they reached a nightclub.

Loud rock music blared out of the nightclub as a black-haired teen danced on top of the bar, his skin-tight, thigh-length sparkling green dress shimmering in the disco lights. Beside him, Dino held out his white hat, collecting money from the customers.

Mukuro entered the nightclub elegantly, his blue crown shining on his head. He looked around the room and spotted AU-Hibari dancing on the bar-top.

Mukuro immediately pulled out a magical blue lasso and roped it around AU-Hibari, who was dragged off the bar-top. He reined in the lasso, dragging AU-Hibari into his embrace.

"My darling," he cooed. "Let's get married right away!"

AU-Hibari, whose dress was torn to bits, fell into Mukuro's arms and shrieked "Yes! It is love at first sight! I want to marry you, my prince!"

Mukuro adjusted his blue crown, slid a blue ring on AU-Hibari's ring finger, swept up AU-Hibari and carried off bride-style, while Dino ran behind them, showering them in flower petals which he had magically produced from his white hat.

Scene-change.

"Faster! Go faster!" AU-Tsuna twisted his yellow cape in his hands.

"I'm… going… as fast as I can!" Tsuna panted, sweating in his effort.

"Put it all in!" AU-Tsuna howled, clutching at Tsuna.

"I am! I am!"

"Ooooh… not so rough!" AU-Tsuna yelled as he felt his whole body jolt.

Tsuna sighed as he pulled the brake on the Carrotmobile. He turned and said: "If you want me to go faster, of course I'll have to put it all in!" He indicated his foot, which had jammed the accelerator pedal all the way in. "And if we go that fast, of course the ride's going to be rough!"

AU-Tsuna frowned, straightening his yellow cape. He had been jolted out of his seat due to the rough road trip. He climbed back into his seat and said tersely: "Just drive."

Tsuna sighed again, re-tying his yellow scarf around his neck. He started driving again, and eventually they pulled up to a nightclub.

Suddenly, a giant turtle came into view. On top of it was Mukuro, blue crown and all.

AU-Tsuna gasped. "It's him! It's the Blue Pineapple Prince!"

"Uhhh… okay." Tsuna scratched his head.

"He's so cool." AU-Tsuna sighed, acting like a love-sick puppy. "I'd give all the carrots in the world to be able to go out with him." He suddenly sat up and grabbed Tsuna by his scarf, practically strangling him. "Let's follow him!"

"Weren't we here so that we could pick up your order or carrot juice – WEEARGH!" Tsuna squawked, his tightened scarf cutting off his air supply.

Together, the two of them slipped into the nightclub. AU-Tsuna followed Mukuro while Tsuna stood in a corner.

Tsuna's attention was caught by the boy in the tight green dress dancing on top of the bar. The cute figure was encased in a fitting green material, the slim legs flashing in and out… Oh god, he was in love. Tsuna tugged on his yellow scarf.

But then…

Tsuna watched in horror and shock as Mukuro entered the room, grabbed the beauty in the green dress and swept off. It all happened so fast! Tsuna didn't even get a chance to say hi to AU-Hibari.

Tsuna stared as Mukuro and AU-Hibari climbed on top of the giant turtle and went off.

Then, all of a sudden, he felt someone tug on his yellow scarf. Tsuna turned around to see AU-Tsuna staring at him.

"King? What is it?"

"I have a job for you."

"What job, King?"

"Kill…"

"What?"

AU-Tsuna jabbed a finger at AU-Hibari, who was smiling and laughing with Mukuro on top of the giant turtle.

"Kill him."

**A/N: So. I guess I need to explain some stuff.**

**VOCALOID FANS WHO KNOW AKUNO-P'S DAUGHTER OF EVIL SERIES (STORY OF EVIL) READ THIS:**

**If you haven't managed to figure out my oh-so-obvious clues about which KHR character is playing which Vocaloid character, here's a guide:**

**AU-Tsuna – playing the Daughter of Evil, Queen Riliane d'Lucifen Autriche (Kagamine Rin) COLOR THEME: YELLOW**

**Tsuna – playing the Servant of Evil, servant Allen Avadonia (Kagamine Len) COLOR THEME: YELLOW**

**AU-Hibari – playing the Daughter of Green, peasant girl Michaela (Hatsune Miku) COLOR THEME: GREEN**

**Dino – playing the Daughter of White, peasant girl Clarith (Yowane Haku) COLOR THEME: WHITE**

**Fran – playing the Daughter of Vengeance, warrior woman Germaine Avadonia (Meiko) COLOR THEME: RED**

**Mukuro – playing the Prince of Blue, Prince Kyle Marlon (Kaito) COLOR THEME: BLUE**

**I am NOT following the exact storyline of Akuno-P's (mothy) series, as that would make things waaaaay too complicated and serious (this is a humor and parody fic with crack in it, remember) so please don't tell me that the Daughter of Green never fell in love with the Prince of Blue, and that she actually loves the Daughter of White, and that the Servant of Evil is the Daughter of Vengeance's stepbrother blah blah blah. :) Thank you very much.**

**PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT VOCALOID IS, READ THIS: **

**Plot summary: AU-Tsuna is a tyrant king who has a servant, Tsuna. AU-Tsuna bullies the people in his kingdom (the Yellow Kingdom, where everything is yellow) and is basically a big meanie. One day he attacks Fran, who swears revenge. **

**AU-Hibari and Dino are two peasants living in a place called Greentown, where everything is green. One day, AU-Hibari and Dino commit an unforgivable crime and are kicked out of their home. They run away and find a job in a nightclub. One day, Mukuro passes by the nightclub and falls in love with AU-Hibari, who agrees to marry Mukuro.**

**While this is going on, AU-Tsuna and his servant spot Mukuro and decide to follow him. (AU-Tsuna has been in love with Mukuro for a very long time now) They witness Mukuro proposing to AU-Hibari and AU-Tsuna is angered. He orders Tsuna to kill AU-Hibari.**

**The plot will be continued…**

**EVERYONE READ THIS: **

**So, get it now? Wow, this is the longest I've ever written for this fic. And considering my epic laziness, this is amazing. Also, I encourage everyone who does not know what Vocaloid is to get into it. It is awesome. :3**

**Reviewers will receive cookies~ (Still accepting OC requests, minna! Send them in! I'm waiting!)**


	11. You And What Army?

Chapter 11 – You And What Army?

Summary: In which the play ends, all hell breaks loose and Ryohei doesn't know what 'extreme' is.

**Disclaimer: Katekyo Hitman Reborn does not belong to me! If it did, a lot of questions would be answered…**

**A/N: Hands… so… tired… **

**EK12: I love the Daughter of Evil series too! Haha, glad you liked my so-called "butchering". (Are you an Evillious Chronicles otaku too? Long live Akuno-P/mothy-sama!) Okay, I'll be accepting your OC. He sounds so cool! Dirty blonde hair and Len's eyes? KYAAAAAAA!**

**LoveDust: Epic KHR OST? Loooooool! Greentown FTW!**

**Hibird666: Thank you! Your OC sounds so kawaii! Cat ears and cat tail? *glomps***

**Yuna Kusanagi no Purinsesu: You have a very interesting name O_O...You should totally pity AU-Hibari and Dino because they got kicked out for stealing the crayon. Your OC sounds... badass. Scar on the neck? O_e.**

"To hear is to obey, my king." Tsuna intoned lifelessly.

"Good! Now go! Oh, and before you leave, serve me my tea!" AU-Tsuna settled himself on the armchair and loosened his yellow cape.

"Yes, King."

Scene-change.

"Boogie woogie! Boogie woogie!" AU-Hibari and Mukuro shouted in unison as they danced about in their wedding clothes.

Dino tried to keep up with their dancing speed but only succeeded in dropping his white hat and tripping over it.

"Do the caramelldansen!" AU-Hibari and Mukuro raised their fists to their head and began pumping their butts from side to side in rhythm.

All of a sudden, a carrot sliced through the air and conked AU-Hibari on the head. He fell over and smashed on the floor.

"My love!" Mukuro screamed in horror.

"Don't worry, my darling." AU-Hibari whispered, reaching out to stroke Mukuro's cheek. "Even though I cannot be your wife anymore, I'll always love you."

"My love!" Mukuro screamed again.

"Before I go, there's something I need to tell you." AU-Hibari spoke again.

"Say it." Mukuro whispered.

"I… think your hair is awful… and that… you should chop off that horrible spiky thing on top…" so saying, AU-Hibari's soul turned into a little angel with a halo and wings and flew up to the place in the sky.

Mukuro stood up and thundered "WHO FIRED THAT CARROT?!"

Dino picked up the carrot and said solemnly. "This carrot belongs to the evil king of the Yellow Kingdom."

"You mean… That Guy In the Yellow Cape?" Mukuro stared at the carrot.

"Dun dun dunn!" The music played.

"Yes, That Guy In The Yellow Cape." Dino confirmed.

"Dun dun dunnn!" The music played again.

"Does that music play everytime we say that?" Mukuro asked.

Dino nodded.

Scene-change.

Tsuna (normal) adjusted his yellow scarf and picked up the carrot-shooting bazooka. The edges of his scarf were soaked with tears.

Scene-change.

AU-Tsuna sipped on his carrot juice contentedly as his servant knelt before him. "It is done. The Blue Pineapple Prince's bride, the green dress boy is dead."

"Excellent. Well done! Now come and help me deliver a love letter to the Blue Pineapple Prince." AU-Tsuna waved a yellow envelope at Tsuna.

The poem went:

_Oh my darling Blue Pineapple Prince,_

_Roses are red,_

_Violets are blue,_

_The Yellow King proposes to you._

_Will you marry me?_

Tsuna took the envelope and jumped into the Carrotmobile.

Scene-change.

Mukuro was holding a pair of blue scissors and preparing to trim his hair.

All of a sudden, the door slammed open, causing Mukuro to jump up in fright and hack off the top part of his hair by accident.

Dino rushed in breathlessly clutching his white hat and waving a yellow envelope that had carrot stickers all over it. Begind him was Tsuna, who was nervously twisting his yellow scarf.

Mukuro stared in horror at his ruined hair. He quickly grabbed his blue crown and put it on.

"Prince Mukuro! There is a letter from the Yellow King!" Dino exclaimed as Mukuro did his best to cover up his hair.

"FROM THE YELLOW KING?!" Mukuro thundered. "THE ONE WHO MURDERED MY PRECIOUS BRIDE?!"

Dino nodded. Tsuna tried his best not to look guilty.

"Well, let's see it then." Mukuro grabbed the yellow envelope. He flipped it open and read it. As he read it, his face turned red with anger.

"HE MURDERED MY BEAUTIFUL GREEN BRIDE, AND NOW HE WANTS ME TO MARRY HIM?!"

"Love conquers all?" Tsuna said hopefully. "My king really likes you a lot, you know."

"That Guy In The Yellow Cape-…" Mukuro began.

"Dun dun dunnn!" The music played

"-has gone too far this time!" Mukuro exclaimed. "You! You're his servant, aren't you?!"

Tsuna nodded nervously.

"Go back to your king and tell him that I am declaring war on him!" Mukuro announced dramatically.

Tsuna saluted and ran away screaming, his yellow scarf flapping behind him. As he ran, he heard Dino asking Mukuro: "Prince, what happened to your hair?"

Scene-change.

"W-War?! W-W-War?" AU-Tsuna spluttered.

"The Blue Pineapple Prince is angry with you for killing his bride, King." Tsuna bowed low.

"B-B-But I was just saving him from an unhappy marriage…! I would make a much better bride than the green dress boy!" AU-Tsuna squeaked.

"Well… what do you want to do now, my king?"

"I WANT CARROT JUICE!" AU-Tsuna wailed.

"We ran out of carrot juice, remember? We were supposed to go and get somemore carrot juice but then you saw the Blue Pineapple Prince and forgot all about it, King."

"ARGHHHHH!" AU-Tsuna yelled in frustration.

Scene-change.

"…Prince Mukuro, there is a boy who wants to see you." Dino bowed.

"Kufufu… who is it?"

Fran stepped into the room. He was dressed from head to toe in red. "I wish to get revenge on the Yellow King."

"What?! You want revenge on That Guy In The Yellow Cape too?" Mukuro exclaimed.

"Dun dun dunnn!"

"Yes. Since we have common interests, we…" Fran adjusted his apple helmet and polished his red shoes. "So. Let's team up together, pineapple."

Mukuro twirled his spear and stabbed Fran through his helmet. "Who're you calling pineapple, Froggy? You will address me as 'Prince Mukuro'."

"Prince Pineapple, let's team up and bring down That Guy In The Yellow Cape." Fran's head was bleeding.

"Dun dun dunnnn!"

Mukuro stabbed Fran again and Fran coughed blood on his red shoes. "Very well. I shall summon my giant turtle." Mukuro took out a blue whistle and blew. Immediately, the giant turtle magically appeared and Mukuro leapt onto it, with Fran crawling behind.

The giant turtle spread out its blue wings and flew up into the sky, straight towards the Yellow Kingdom.

As they neared the castle, Mukuro took out a large blue megaphone and shouted through it. "EVIL YELLOW KING! YOUR TIME IS UP! SURRENDER AND I WILL BE MERCIFUL!"

A giant screen appeared above the yellow castle. Bold yellow words flashed across it. **"YOU AND WHAT ARMY?"**

Mukuro whistled and immediately an army of blue pineapples and red frogs rose up into the air and flew towards the castle.

On the screen were the words: **"OH. **_**THAT **_**ARMY."**

Scene-change.

"Ohmygodwhat'rewegonnadoTsunaaaaa!" AU-Tsuna screeched, running around the throne room, his yellow cape flapping behind him.

Tsuna bit his lip. Then suddenly, he grabbed AU-Tsuna's yellow cape and pulled it off. He pulled off his own yellow scarf and tied it around AU-Tsuna's neck. Then he tied the cape around his own neck.

"What're you doing?" AU-Tsuna yelped, tugging at the yellow scarf.

"We look exactly like each other, don't we? The only difference is the cape and scarf. If you wear the scarf, people will think you're the servant… and you can run away from here, away from the attack." said Tsuna.

"W-What about you?"

"I'll pretend to be the king and I'll be the one to fight against the prince."

"But-…"

"I'm the king now." Tsuna grinned, pointing at the yellow cape tied around his neck. "So you listen to what I say."

With that, Tsuna grabbed hold of AU-Tsuna and threw him out of the throne room. He locked the door so that AU-Tsuna couldn't get back in. He then sat down on the yellow throne, put a smirk on his face and began imitating AU-Tsuna.

At that point, the walls of the throne room blasted apart and an army of blue pineapples and red frogs stormed the room.

Mukuro and Fran marched in and Mukuro pointed his spear at Tsuna. "That Gay In The Yellow Cape-…"

"It's That GUY In The Yellow Cape." Fran whispered.

"Dun dun dunnn!" The music played.

"-Ok, That Guy In The Yellow Cape-…" Mukuro corrected himself.

"Dun dun dunnnnn!"

"-Surrender now! We have your castle surrounded." Mukuro finished.

"Never!" Tsuna put at arrogant expression on his face,

"Then you leave us no choice. Fran! Capture him!"

"Do it yourself, Prince Pineapple…" **STAB.**

With blood dripping from his new wound, Fran ran up and tied Tsuna's wrists abd ankles with red rope. "Hooray. My frog collection has been avenged."

"Throw him into the dungeons, Fran." Mukuro said grandly.

Tsuna smiled as he was dragged into the dungeons.

Scene-change.

"At last! The death of my beautiful green bride has been avenged!" Mukuro said happily.

"My frog collection has been avenged too, Prince Pineapple."

Mukuro merrily stabbed Fran. "So all that's left is to execute That Guy In The Yellow Cape!"

"Dun dun dunnnn!"

Mukuro looked up at the platform where Tsuna was slowly walking up to. The platform had a muscular man holding an axe.

Fran's eyes widened as Tsuna knelt in front of the axe-man and the axe-man slowly raised his axe and then swung it down on Tsuna's neck.

Somewhere below the platform, AU-Tsuna screamed as Tsuna's head was separated from the rest of his body.

…

…

…

"TSUNAAAAAAAA!" The audience screamed.

"Oh dear…" I mumbled and fainted again.

Lena reached into her pockets and pulled out her battle-claws, ready to avenge Tsuna.

"Judaimei! Judaimei! Judaimei got killed! I have failed as a right-hand man! I deserve to be cut up into pieces and burned!" Gokudera wailed, grabbing Yamamoto's baseball bat and whacking himself with it.

"Stop, stop! I'm still alive!" Tsuna yelled, suddenly jumping out of nowhere onto the stage.

Cue epic gasp.

And all hell broke loose.

"TSU-CHAAAAAN!" All the Tsuna fangirls screamed.

"Judaimei! Judaimei's alive! Thank the gods!" Gokudera was now crying on Yamamoto's shoulder.

Lena quietly put away her claws.

"It was just an illusion just now! I didn't _really _get beheaded." Tsuna waved his arms frantically.

"That was the worst play I've ever been in." AU-Tsuna appeared beside Tsuna. "I mean, 'That Guy In The Yellow Cape'? Couldn't they have come up with a better name?"

"Well…" Tsuna mumbled.

Suddenly, there was a scream from backstage. Mukuro came running out.

He was wearing an indigo dress with girly ribbons and lace.

Cue simultaneous "WTF?"

AU-Hibari came running behind, shrieking "Muku-chan! Come back! I'm not done yet!"

"No! No way in all the six worlds am I going to come near you!"

Mukuro continued screaming and running until he crashed into Ryohei. Ryohei fell over.

"Hm?" Mukuro stared at Ryohei. "Aren't you going to say something about 'extreme'?"

Ryohei stared at Mukuro. "What is a 'extreme'?"

A/N: I will be ending this story in the next chapter. It's been great, guys, but I just don't have much imagination left for a crack story. So all the requests that I haven't done yet will be done all in one shot next chapter.

**VOCALOID FANS READ THIS: Okay, so I edited out 'Regret Message' and a major part of 'Daughter of White' from the story. 'Handbeat Clocktower' and 'Re_birthday' are also missing. I understand that this story is not consistent with the actual Story of Evil, but that was because it'd be too sad and not funny and crack-ish at all. So I just stopped the story at the part where the Servant of Evil gets killed. Hooray for butchering Story of Evil.**

**NON-VOCALOID FANS READ THIS: A continuation of the plot summary: AU-Tsuna orders his servant to kill AU-Hibari out of jealousy. Although Tsuna loves AU-Hibari, his loyalty to AU-Tsuna is absolute, so he assassinates AU-Hibari at the wedding. Mukuro is pissed and his teams up with Fran to kill AU-Tsuna. Tsuna decides to switch places with AU-Tsuna and be killed in his place instead. Tsuna is beheaded, Dino and Mukuro are left to arrange AU-Hibari's funeral and Fran lives happily forever after with his frog collection.**

**Will update the last chapter after Christmas. Merry Christmas guys, and reviews please.**


End file.
